Results 1 to 23 of 23
  1. #1

    Title
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    1,888

    Default The real differences between Metal.....Apparently

    HEAVY METAL
    The warrior arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers,
    and bones the princess.

    POWER METAL
    The warrior arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon,
    saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

    THRASH METAL
    The warrior arrives with a frayed denim jacket, fights the dragon,
    saves the princess and ****s her.

    VIKING METAL
    The warrior arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe,
    skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her
    belongings, and burns the castle before leaving.

    DEATH METAL

    The warrior arrives, kills the dragon, rapes the princess in the mouth
    and kills her, then leaves.

    BLACK METAL
    The warrior arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in
    front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood
    in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to
    the dragon.

    GORE METAL
    The warrior arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of
    the castle, ****s the princess and kills her. Then he ****s the dead
    body, slashes her belly, and eats her guts. Then he ****s the carcass
    again, burns the corpse, and ****s it for the last time.

    GRIND METAL
    The warrior arrives, screams something completely incoherent for about
    30 seconds, and then leaves.

    DOOM METAL
    The warrior arrives, sees the size of the dragon, and thinks he could
    never beat him. He gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragons
    eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad
    story.

    GOTHIC METAL
    The warrior in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The
    protagonist completes the duet by adding the beast part, while the
    dragon plays the flute. Suddenly the dragon swallows the flute and
    accidently scorches the beauty and the beast and suffocates to death.
    All their souls are damned in hell for all eternity.

    PROGRESSIVE METAL
    The warrior arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The
    dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives at the
    princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and
    tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess
    escapes looking for the HEAVY METAL protagonist.

    INDUSTRIAL METAL

    The warrior arrives wearing a greasy overcoat, makes an obscene
    gesture towards the dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land
    by security guards.

    SPEED METAL
    Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someone's screaming
    weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and
    princess are still looking for the one who did this.

    CHRISTIAN METAL

    The warrior rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy
    power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the
    dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and
    when the princess wants to "thank" the protagonist he replies, "sorry,
    but I don't believe in having sex before marriage".

    GLAM METAL
    The warrior arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and
    lets him enter. He steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the
    castle in a beautiful pink color.

    NU METAL
    The warrior arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight
    the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch
    fire.

    EMO
    The warrior sees the dragon and moans about how hard it will be to get
    the princess to fall in love with him. He gets eaten. The princess is
    very happy, because he was a whiny fag anyway.


    Is emo considered a "metal style" though?

    Old but good...haha!

  2. #2
    BushPushesMongo's Avatar
    Title
    Perma Banned
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    OK
    Posts
    4,169

    Default

    Haha, I like that. Christian Metal made me laugh. That kind of music is such a joke.

  3. #3
    bubbleboy's Avatar
    Title
    Ain't Nothin But A Peanut
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Tallanasty, FL
    Posts
    22,521

    Default

    lol at progressive

  4. #4
    Popwar Pill's Avatar
    Title
    Squares Need Not Apply
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Hell
    Posts
    31,545

    Default

    The speed metal one was good...rest....eh...

  5. #5
    Turboz's Avatar
    Title
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    9,055

    Default

    lol@industrial metal

  6. #6
    adude113's Avatar
    Title
    Respected User
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    7,528

    Default

    Hahahaha I saw this before, but a while ago. That's so funny.

  7. #7
    drizzle's Avatar
    Title
    Respected User
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Aurora, IL
    Posts
    16,644

    Default

    fuck yeah grind

  8. #8
    Dr. Science's Avatar
    Title
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Great White North
    Posts
    6,593

    Default

    lol at christian metal

  9. #9
    loonybob123's Avatar
    Title
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    San Antonio
    Posts
    124

    Default

    meh I think you should change the nu-metal one, I actually like Disturbed :D.

    -92% of kids have moved to rap. If you are one of the 8% who stayed with rock, put this in your sig-

  10. #10

    Title
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    1,888

    Default

    Some are pretty funny.
    I like the way they take the piss out of them , like industrial and grind metal haha

  11. #11
    CTskater94's Avatar
    Title
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Orange, CT
    Posts
    2,588

    Default

    lol gore metal was my favorite

    prog was a close second haha 26 min solo

  12. #12
    Galmeister's Avatar
    Title
    All We Know Is Falling
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Oxford, England
    Posts
    10,991

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jakallica
    VIKING METAL
    The warrior arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe,
    skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her
    belongings, and burns the castle before leaving.
    Best one

    I'd Rather Waste My Life Pretending
    Than Have To Forget You For One Whole Minute

  13. #13

    Title
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    abc
    Posts
    7,574

    Default

    5 stars is what i gave it cuz it made me laugh.

  14. #14
    Turboz's Avatar
    Title
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    9,055

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BushPushesMongo View Post
    Haha, I like that. Christian Metal made me laugh. That kind of music is such a joke.
    *waits for bubbleboy to respond with a mormon joke*

  15. #15

    Title
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    1,888

    Default

    lol 5 stars.
    haha!

  16. #16
    bandikid's Avatar
    Title
    Dipset
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    12,924

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by bubbleboy View Post
    lol at progressive
    hahahaha yea that was fucking funny
    Quote Originally Posted by new_skater99 View Post
    i came home with a bottle of fucking svedka one night and everyone was shitting all over themselves "woah, you bought svedka? fucking classy". Um, no?

  17. #17
    planBskate27's Avatar
    Title
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Richmond, VA
    Posts
    837

    Default

    progressive and glam metal were pretty funny

  18. #18
    bubbleboy's Avatar
    Title
    Ain't Nothin But A Peanut
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Tallanasty, FL
    Posts
    22,521

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Turboz View Post
    *waits for bubbleboy to respond with a mormon joke*
    WHAT I MISSED AN OPPORTUNITY!?!?!?!?

    HOLY FUCK IM SLIPPING!!?!?!?!?!?!

    a

  19. #19

    Title
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Fremont ca
    Posts
    1,604

    Default

    the only real difference in most metal is pretentious douchebags, i mean really who cares what the difference is between American death metal and Norwegian black metal? No one.

  20. #20
    Galmeister's Avatar
    Title
    All We Know Is Falling
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Oxford, England
    Posts
    10,991

    Default

    I do... Unlucky

    I'd Rather Waste My Life Pretending
    Than Have To Forget You For One Whole Minute

  21. #21
    RageAgainstTheToyMachine's Avatar
    Title
    SB-C's Official Metalhead
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Lynnwood, Washington.
    Posts
    7,123

    Default

    I laughed a few times. Wasn't the best.




  22. #22
    Tony's Avatar
    Title
    THERE FALLS ANOTHER
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Finland
    Posts
    7,407

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jakallica View Post
    PROGRESSIVE METAL
    The warrior arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The
    dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives at the
    princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and
    tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess
    escapes looking for the HEAVY METAL protagonist.
    Ahahahahahaha

  23. #23
    Marevix's Avatar
    Title
    Naragansett Turkey Monkey
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Rockford, Illinois
    Posts
    9,012

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jakallica View Post
    VIKING METAL
    The warrior arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe,
    skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her
    belongings, and burns the castle before leaving.

    PROGRESSIVE METAL
    The warrior arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The
    dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives at the
    princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and
    tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess
    escapes looking for the HEAVY METAL protagonist.

    SPEED METAL
    Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someone's screaming
    weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and
    princess are still looking for the one who did this.
    Hahah, classic.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •