View Full Version : "A cold, grey day in Duluth, Minnesota", Short Story I wrote

11-02-2006, 06:31 PM
Yoooo mutt, haven't seen you in a while. I loved that piece.

The Trooper
11-02-2006, 06:55 PM
very comforting to know there is more than just a whole bunch of pompous stupid asses roaming the sb city... that was good.

11-03-2006, 06:03 AM
This is a short story I wrote for fun/English Class

It was a cold, cloudy day outside at the Duluth, Minnesota County Airport, typical for a day in November. Jack Kensington sat quietly in the near empty Terminal 37, staring bleakly into the empty clusters of seats that surrounded him. He was quiet. The Terminal was quiet. All Jack could hear was the gentle rocking of the janitor’s trash cart as he went from room to room cleaning out the trash that other travelers had left there. “What a terrible job.” Jack thought to himself, sitting in his partially cushioned seat, hands buried deep into the pockets of his jacket. “What am I even doing here,” Jack thought morosely to himself, “I just don’t understand.” he muttered, while casually glancing over to the two surrounding seats, just to make sure he was still alone.
His small, brown, leather brief case with his monogrammed initials “JK” was leaning on his leg, getting ready to tip over. Jack had never been able to get his briefcase to stand upright by itself. Faulty production, Jack thought to himself. He often thought about getting a new one, but as always, he never got around to it. Oh well, never mind about the briefcase; he didn’t plan on staying long. Jack’s eyes quickly darted over to the large, plate glass window at his right, only to notice that it had started snowing. “Damn,” Jack said to himself, as he burrowed his hands deeper into the pockets of his jacket. He started to nod off, feeling his eyes start to drift shut. Just before he felt himself succumbing to the gray and unforgiving atmosphere that was the airport, he was suddenly awakened by the gentle vibration of his cell phone. He sat up quickly, startled from the feeling of the phone. It wasn’t often Jack got a phone call. He took a deep breathe, knowing what the call would be about, and slowly withdrew the phone from his pocket. “Carl” the illuminated background of the phone read. Jack sighed and opened up the phone to talk. “Hey,” Jack said into the receiver.
“Hi. How’re you doing?” Carl said back.
“I’m fine Carl,” Jack stated calmly, almost with an air of boredom, “How’re you doing Carl? How is everything?” he said, adding a bit of familiarity into his once cold voice.
“I’m doing all right Jack,” Carl said, sighing deeply, responding to the small flicker of warmth Jack showed, “But really Jack, how are you, is everything going OK?”, “I’m all right Carl, I’m doing just fine.” Jack stated, keeping his voice collected and calm.
“Are you sure? I mean, you really haven’t been home in a while. Are you ready to come home now?” Carl asked, making his voice sound friendly.
“Yeah Carl, I think it’s as good a time as any to come home. I mean, if not now when? Jesus Carl, it’s my own mother.” Jack began feeling flustered and aggravated, but he quickly collected himself and once again focused on the grey, cushioned airport seats in front of him. ”Airport seats,” Jack thought, “barely made for comfort, just to get from here to there,” which added to Jack’s gloomy thoughts.
“All right Jack, calm down, she’s my mom too, I understand,” Carl started raising his voice, trying to calm Jack down, as older brothers often do with their siblings, “I mean, let’s be serious Jack, you left everyone when you went to Duluth. You barely had time to say goodbye. I mean, come on now, what’s it been, eight? Ten years Jack?” Carl asked.
“Seven Carl. Just Seven.” Jack stared blankly, collecting his thoughts as he spoke, “I told you why I left Carl. There was just nothing there for me,” Jack started saying, glancing down at his round trip ticket to Bangor, Maine. They were booked 2 days apart. “Besides, I told you I was leaving. I told Mom and Dad too.” Jack started saying, trying to rid his voice of any guilt or remorseful feelings towards his home. He lifted his eyes quickly, seeing a mother and her two children walking by. They looked happy, Jack thought. He quickly turned his head away.
“I understand Jack, it’s just, well, you’re family, and we’re all together. What about all your friends, and the rest of your family. We’ve all been missing you. You had barely graduated before you up and left.” Carl stated, feeling sympathy working its way into his residual anger towards his younger brother.
“I know, I know,” Jack began, “Well, I’m coming back now”.
“You know what it was right?” Carl started saying.
“No Carl, I never heard.” Jack said, feeling guilty for being so absent in his family’s lives. “Something with her heart, right?”
“Yeah. The doctors never did find the exact problem. The decline was just so fast..” Carl said with a deep sigh “The doctor said she didn’t have much of a chance at her age.”.
At this point Jack wasn’t paying much attention. He knew his mother was gone. He knew that when the phone rang. He didn’t care what had killed her, and how long it took. He didn’t want to hear those things. All he thought about was how he had missed it all. The only thing he had to think back to over those last seven years was the occasional holiday phone call. He tried not to dwell on it. His thoughts were suddenly stifled by the announcement of the boarding call for the first and second class seating.
“Jack? Jack? Jack are you still there? Is everything all right?” Carl started yelling into the phone.
“Yeah Carl, I’m here. It’s O.K.” Jack said, trying to now calm his older brother. “Listen Carl, I have to go soon. They’re getting ready to board my section.” Jack said, letting out a small cough at the end of “Section”, much like the cough that occurs when holding back tears.
“OK Jack. I’ll see you soon. I love you Jack. I always have” Carl said, bringing the warmth back into his voice. Jack began to notice a few small tears rolling down his cheek. He was breathing heavily to himself, burrowing his head deep into his coat, now only looking at the gray patterned carpet that encompassed his terminal.
“Bye Carl. I love you. I’ll see you soon.” Jack said closing his phone and tucking it back into his pocket, still holding his one ticket in his hand. He stood up and slowly made his way back to his gate. The edge of the ticket was soggy with the tears that had rolled down his cheeks. Jack hadn’t noticed he had been crying that much.
“Sir? Excuse me, Sir?” The flight attendant said, motioning him towards her with her hand, “It’s you’re turn to board the plane now. May I have your ticket?”.
“Oh, um, yes, sorry” He said, sniffing and holding back his tears, “Thank you Ma’am”.
She laughed. “No problem sir.” She was a young girl, maybe of 22. But this didn’t matter to Jack. The plane. The tickets. The tears. The phone call from his brother. The snow. The grey, cloudy sky that was Duluth. His mother. That’s all he had on his mind as he handed the attendant his ticket, and slowly made his way onto the plane. When he got to his seat he saw the mother and her two children. He was ready for his family.

11-03-2006, 06:06 AM
heh, thats cool. kind of weird at the same time

11-03-2006, 06:07 AM
Shweet writing skills.

11-03-2006, 06:15 AM
I could never right that good. Hahaha, at the beginning I thought that Jack and Carl were a gay couple.

11-03-2006, 06:21 AM
Very nice characterization. I thought the descriptions were a bit on one end or the other of nice writing style. Some images were overly described effectively, and others were left blankly, like, "It was....". Nice story however. Is there more? That could easily be expanded into a full story.

11-03-2006, 06:23 AM
i liked it. maybe you should write some more

11-03-2006, 06:23 AM
Well, I did it as a personall thing/timed it with an extra credit project in english.

I'll probabaly continue it

11-03-2006, 06:26 AM
Well, I did it as a personall thing/timed it with an extra credit project in english.

I'll probabaly continue it

It's good to see quality stuff produced from a fellow screw-ball. You and I aren't that different, everyone makes us out to be some kind of idiots. Intellect gets old.

11-03-2006, 06:27 AM
It's good to see quality stuff produced from a fellow screw-ball. You and I aren't that different, everyone makes us out to be some kind of idiots. Intellect gets old.

It turely does.

11-03-2006, 05:24 PM
Good job

11-03-2006, 05:36 PM
It's good to see quality stuff produced from a fellow screw-ball. You and I aren't that different, everyone makes us out to be some kind of idiots. Intellect gets old.

Aw, boohoo, nobody recognizes how smart we are.

mkcrank mulisha
11-03-2006, 06:01 PM

11-03-2006, 08:20 PM
Aw, boohoo, nobody recognizes how smart we are.

But they do recognize your spark of asshole..