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Breaking The Bond
08-10-2008, 12:54 PM
I heard about a frat party from one of the cardio bunnies I slammed last week. Called me up and said I should make it if I get a chance. After another grueling workout, I decide to take Lex along with me.

We walk into the frat house, and its exactly what I expected. 135 pounders in Abercrombie tshirts. Pathetic. I walk through the crowd in my aviators and beater, pushing guys at the party out of the way to establish Alpha dominance. We head into the kitchen, where one frat boy is making mixed drink for a few hotties. “Blender belongs to me now I snarl at him, dump out the contents and begin to make my patented Mega Shake. Eight scoops of N-Large2, a jar of natty peanut butter, and 2 bananas all blended with lowfat milk. I blend up my mix, toast Lex in our bb.com shakers, and drink.

Apparently not all party participants liked the fact that me and Lex had stolen the blender. One girl had brought the bouncer? over.

Bouncer: Whats going on over here?
Lex: <taking off his aviators> We got a situation here boss, looks like 19 inch pythons on this guy.

I take off my aviators to get a better look.

Me: <giggling> Fatceps.

I notice a tattoo on the bouncers arm, Big Daddy? it says.

Me: Big Daddy?
Bouncer: <pissed off> Bigger than you.
Me: Maybe so, chief. But Im swoler.

I reach into my bag and get out my body fat calipers.

Bouncer: Man, get those things away from me!
Me: <grinning> Aw, come on, lets see how much fat are on those fatceps of yours.
Bouncer: <crying> F**k you man, leave me alone! <He runs out of the room while I explode into laughter>

After about 20 more minutes of lat flaring around the party, I realize I have to take a huge shit. That Mega Shake wasnt sitting too well. I head into the bathroom with the newspaper. (I knew it was gonna be a messy struggle). A few minutes later, some drunk girl comes into the bathroom.

Drunk girl: Hi, ummm, I just wanted to say that you are really sexy and ummm?
Me: Get the f**k out? Im trying to shit in peace here
Drunk girl: Well, ummm, could I give you a blumpkin?
Me: F**ks a blumpkin?
Drunk girl: Well, its when you give someone head while they are taking a shit.

<I look her up and down. Decent sized tits and a good face.>

Me: Yeah why not. Just dont use your f**king teeth.

<I continue to read the paper while she blows me. She ended up swallowing every last drop.>

Drunk girl: Was it good?
Me: Not bad. Id give it a C+

<Drunk girl lays down and passes out. I realize there is no toilet paper. So I take drunk girls shirt and wipe my ass with it and walk out>

Me: Nice knowin ya, sweetie.

I decide to find Lex so we can go home. On the way I run into two frat boys.

Frat boy 1: Excuse me? Do you think you could give us some weightlifting tips? I mean we donít want to get huge or anything, just Brad Pitt in fight Club, you know? Any pointers?

I felt the rage boiling up inside of me but kept my cool. I decided not to punch them out (no need to go back to prison). I bang on the door Lex is in.

Me: Lets f**King go, Im tired and I want to go to sleep.
Lex: I got this bitch licking my nuts right now!
Me: Hurry up and nut in her face so we can go home. Ill start the car.

I walk outside to my beamer. I look at the car next to me, and Bouncer is in it, crying. Not only that, but he was driving a Jetta. Im sorry, but if you are a bodybuilder you cannot drive a Volkswagen. You could be Ronnie F**kin Coleman and you would get no respect from me if you are tooling around in a golf. The only time you could get head by driving a VW is from Gary down at the local Starbucks.

I lit up a cigar and waited for Lex to emerge. Blumpkin,? I thought to myself, smiling. Doctor Swole, sometimes you even impress yourself.

zibafu
08-10-2008, 12:58 PM
funny haha.

ZipZinger
08-10-2008, 01:00 PM
Do you wanna make a few more threads today? That'd be cool.

Carva
08-10-2008, 01:00 PM
:001_wub:

zoo yorker
08-10-2008, 01:00 PM
Do you wanna make a few more threads today? That'd be cool.

Beat me to it

domdude
08-10-2008, 01:00 PM
you totally pwnd dr. swole with this dude.

Breaking The Bond
08-10-2008, 01:01 PM
Do you wanna make a few more threads today? That'd be cool.

I can't tell if you're being sarcastic....

Turboz
08-10-2008, 01:01 PM
is posting stories from Dr. Swole's Blog going to be an everyday thing for you now?

Breaking The Bond
08-10-2008, 01:02 PM
is posting stories from Dr. Swole's Blog going to be an everyday thing for you know?

It's not even his blog. It's obviously the blog from a genius, and the Dr. Swole on this site is obivously a fake. And yeah I might post some more in the future.

domdude
08-10-2008, 01:03 PM
It's not even his blog. It's obviously the blog from a genius, and the Dr. Swole on this site is obivously a fake. And yeah I might post some more in the future.
you mean you did'nt write this? :(

Turboz
08-10-2008, 01:03 PM
It's not even his blog. It's obviously the blog from a genius, and the Dr. Swole on this site is obivously a fake. And yeah I might post some more in the future.I didn't mean the Dr. Swole on this site.

ZipZinger
08-10-2008, 01:05 PM
I can't tell if you're being sarcastic....

Really? Do you really think I wanna read your name under even more thread titles?

late_flip
08-10-2008, 01:06 PM
blumpkin.


shitting blowjobs.


The world has everything now.

Breaking The Bond
08-10-2008, 01:06 PM
Really? Do you really think I wanna read your name under even more thread titles?

Fuck's your problem?

Turboz
08-10-2008, 01:08 PM
Really? Do you really think I wanna read your name under even more thread titles?this is a forum, people post threads, live with it.

Connect5
08-10-2008, 01:31 PM
why dont you just make up your own shit...dr swoles shit is gettin old

Breaking The Bond
08-10-2008, 01:32 PM
why dont you just make up your own shit...dr swoles shit is gettin old

That's actually a good idea. I might make up my own Dr. Swole story.

Connect5
08-10-2008, 01:32 PM
That's actually a good idea. I might make up my own Dr. Swole story.
but dont call it dr swole..make it somethin original

aliensk8border69
08-10-2008, 02:55 PM
where do you find these stories? theyre fuckin hilarious and i wanna read more

woop tang
08-10-2008, 02:57 PM
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I hope you can see it, because he's doing it as hard as he can.

Breaking The Bond
08-10-2008, 03:00 PM
That reminds me of Towelie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbBUMrruemw&feature=related

notaskateaholic
08-10-2008, 03:29 PM
bahahha

treyflip3
08-10-2008, 03:31 PM
i want moar of these threads

Connect5
08-10-2008, 03:34 PM
THE REAL DR. SWOLE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0o686SrBNxU&feature=related

DomPy
08-10-2008, 03:36 PM
that's awesome.

ZipZinger
08-10-2008, 03:38 PM
Dr. Swole is funny, but BTB posted three threads in an hour, and at least another one earlier this morning. There should be one thread for all the Dr. Swole stories, and four threads a day by one person is just too many.

Connect5
08-10-2008, 03:40 PM
THE REAL DR. SWOLE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0o686SrBNxU&feature=related
i wonder which one of these guys is lex

Breaking The Bond
08-10-2008, 03:59 PM
THE REAL DR. SWOLE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0o686SrBNxU&feature=related

Nah. Dr. Swole wouldn't hang out with HB 8.5's.

xVivalaskater94x
08-10-2008, 04:03 PM
need more. this stuff is hilarious

SkateorElse
08-10-2008, 04:20 PM
You misc?

Fallen_Sk8er
08-10-2008, 04:53 PM
Do you wanna make a few more threads today? That'd be cool.

hahahaha, seriously.