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View Full Version : The real differences between Metal.....Apparently



Jakallica
07-28-2008, 08:15 AM
HEAVY METAL
The warrior arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers,
and bones the princess.

POWER METAL
The warrior arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon,
saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

THRASH METAL
The warrior arrives with a frayed denim jacket, fights the dragon,
saves the princess and ****s her.

VIKING METAL
The warrior arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe,
skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her
belongings, and burns the castle before leaving.

DEATH METAL
The warrior arrives, kills the dragon, rapes the princess in the mouth
and kills her, then leaves.

BLACK METAL
The warrior arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in
front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood
in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to
the dragon.

GORE METAL
The warrior arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of
the castle, ****s the princess and kills her. Then he ****s the dead
body, slashes her belly, and eats her guts. Then he ****s the carcass
again, burns the corpse, and ****s it for the last time.

GRIND METAL
The warrior arrives, screams something completely incoherent for about
30 seconds, and then leaves.

DOOM METAL
The warrior arrives, sees the size of the dragon, and thinks he could
never beat him. He gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragons
eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad
story.

GOTHIC METAL
The warrior in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The
protagonist completes the duet by adding the beast part, while the
dragon plays the flute. Suddenly the dragon swallows the flute and
accidently scorches the beauty and the beast and suffocates to death.
All their souls are damned in hell for all eternity.

PROGRESSIVE METAL
The warrior arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The
dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives at the
princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and
tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess
escapes looking for the HEAVY METAL protagonist.

INDUSTRIAL METAL
The warrior arrives wearing a greasy overcoat, makes an obscene
gesture towards the dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land
by security guards.

SPEED METAL
Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someone's screaming
weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and
princess are still looking for the one who did this.

CHRISTIAN METAL
The warrior rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy
power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the
dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and
when the princess wants to "thank" the protagonist he replies, "sorry,
but I don't believe in having sex before marriage".

GLAM METAL
The warrior arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and
lets him enter. He steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the
castle in a beautiful pink color.

NU METAL
The warrior arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight
the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch
fire.

EMO
The warrior sees the dragon and moans about how hard it will be to get
the princess to fall in love with him. He gets eaten. The princess is
very happy, because he was a whiny fag anyway.


Is emo considered a "metal style" though? http://www.kilkennymusic.com/boards/images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif

Old but good...haha!

BushPushesMongo
07-28-2008, 08:46 AM
Haha, I like that. Christian Metal made me laugh. That kind of music is such a joke.

bubbleboy
07-28-2008, 08:55 AM
lol at progressive

Popwar Pill
07-28-2008, 08:59 AM
The speed metal one was good...rest....eh...

Turboz
07-28-2008, 09:40 AM
lol@industrial metal

adude113
07-28-2008, 09:53 AM
Hahahaha I saw this before, but a while ago. That's so funny.

drizzle
07-28-2008, 10:40 AM
fuck yeah grind

Dr. Science
07-28-2008, 10:51 AM
lol at christian metal

loonybob123
07-28-2008, 10:54 AM
meh I think you should change the nu-metal one, I actually like Disturbed :D.

Jakallica
07-28-2008, 11:20 AM
Some are pretty funny.
I like the way they take the piss out of them , like industrial and grind metal haha

CTskater94
07-28-2008, 11:42 AM
lol gore metal was my favorite

prog was a close second haha 26 min solo

Galmeister
07-28-2008, 12:11 PM
VIKING METAL
The warrior arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe,
skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her
belongings, and burns the castle before leaving.

Best one

JustGoSkate!
07-28-2008, 12:13 PM
5 stars is what i gave it cuz it made me laugh.

Turboz
07-28-2008, 12:43 PM
Haha, I like that. Christian Metal made me laugh. That kind of music is such a joke.*waits for bubbleboy to respond with a mormon joke*

Jakallica
07-28-2008, 03:12 PM
lol 5 stars.
haha!

bandikid
07-28-2008, 04:25 PM
lol at progressive

hahahaha yea that was fucking funny

planBskate27
07-28-2008, 05:45 PM
progressive and glam metal were pretty funny

bubbleboy
07-28-2008, 05:51 PM
*waits for bubbleboy to respond with a mormon joke*

WHAT I MISSED AN OPPORTUNITY!?!?!?!?

HOLY FUCK IM SLIPPING!!?!?!?!?!?!

a

StreetLight
07-28-2008, 10:38 PM
the only real difference in most metal is pretentious douchebags, i mean really who cares what the difference is between American death metal and Norwegian black metal? No one.

Galmeister
07-29-2008, 05:28 AM
I do... Unlucky

RageAgainstTheToyMachine
07-29-2008, 08:02 AM
I laughed a few times. Wasn't the best.

Tony
07-29-2008, 09:45 AM
PROGRESSIVE METAL
The warrior arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The
dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives at the
princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and
tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess
escapes looking for the HEAVY METAL protagonist.


Ahahahahahaha

Marevix
07-30-2008, 11:16 AM
VIKING METAL
The warrior arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe,
skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her
belongings, and burns the castle before leaving.

PROGRESSIVE METAL
The warrior arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The
dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives at the
princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and
tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess
escapes looking for the HEAVY METAL protagonist.

SPEED METAL
Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someone's screaming
weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and
princess are still looking for the one who did this.

Hahah, classic.